You Can Do Both

For the past 7 weeks we've been held hostage by feelings of guilt, grief, and outrage. We do this willingly and with pleasure. Without it, we would feel worse. Most of us in the diaspora live our day to day lives without much thought to what our parents left behind - or at least we try to. Its too overwhelming to remember the sacrifices made on our behalf, the country we will never know, or the language that is slowly fading away. It's only in powder-keg moments like the murder of Mahsa Amini, that our unconscious makes its way to the surface and wreaks havoc on our souls.

These unconscious motivations are riddled with layers upon layers of feelings, each attached to a different experience. Triggered emotions are not reserved for those who fought in a war or were abused in some way. They don't exclude those who had a happy childhood and near-perfect parents. Whether you realize it or not, we all have experienced some level of trauma at some point in our lives. No one knows this better than children of immigrants. Their trauma is inter-generational and inter-cultural.

Part of our dilemma is the pain we feel for our parents and the longing for our homeland; a place where some of us have never been. When you've grown up with privilege, freedom, and the heavy burden of your parents' sacrifice, it seems like there's no room for your own struggles. So, an incident like the revolution happening in Iran right now, can feel like the perfect opportunity to pay your dues. It can trigger a desire to fully give yourself over to the cause, and in a sense make up for the opportunities you've been afforded. You consume all the content you can - no matter how violent or disturbing - because your brothers and sisters in Iran are living it, and it seems to be the least you can do.

The thing is, once you start to validate your own feelings in this fight, you will see that you don't have to stay in a state of aggravation to make a difference. You don't have to punish yourself because you can't physically be with our countrymen and women. You can fight for them and take care of yourself. You can do both. You can practice self care by cooking a beautiful Iranian dish and sharing it with your non-Iranian friends. You can recommend a book by an Iranian author at your next book club. Or, you can even take some time to focus on something completely unrelated because your thoughts are never far away from the matter at hand. Not only can you do both, but by creating balance in your life, you will do them better.